| [January 4, 2009]
2009 New Year Resolution
-complete certificate
-find a new job, new career path.
-go out more with old and new frds
-get G license
-save up $$ for trips
-get lean and fit...lose that last 10lbs
-learn to cook and clean
-Be more independent
-self appreciation
-year of scandalous events
[november 1, 2008]
Tears are dry, hopes are gone, hearts been broken. I don't know what eles to do now other then expect for the worse. It's been four amazing years and countless memories we spent together. At one point in life I thought theres nothing that can break this incredible bond between us. I truly tried my hardest, and devote myself 200% into the person whom I thought would be my soulmate. Just when things started to settle down, old and new problems slowly resurface. When Love and Lust are both gone, what's left is only sympathies and worries. I don't want sympathy. I want true love. A relationship revolves around two people. Even if I'm unwilling to let go, his heart has already changed. Things will never be the same even if I force it. There is no way I can turn back time, same goes to his feelings towards me. I don't want to live in a world of lies anymore. No more denial. No more selfishness. No more of him. There's no future not because of his mix emotions and confusion. It's just because he's passion and love is not there anymore. If his already starting to look eleswhere. How am I gonna stop him? I feel so betrayed. Old habits never change, altho it looks like it has. His just a really good liar. I might as well let go now before this relationship ends with a bitterness. Am I ready to let go?.................NO.......do I still love him?..........YES........will we have a future together?.............thats a mystery. From the way how things are going, it's not heading the right way. If this really turn out tragically, I don't really know how my life will change. For better or for the worse. Life goes on. Maybe thats faith. Maybe it's meant to happen. I just dun want this lonieness and pain. Why can't things just stay the same! why do people's heart change.I hate life........I hate myself.....for fallen so deep.......to a point where I can't find my true self anymore.
My graduation trip in Asia was Awesome. It was exhausting traveling here and there within the short period of time I had in Asia, but it was worth every second of it. Japan was beautiful, in terms of the place and the people. I hope in the near future I save up enough money to go back there again and hopefully stay there longer the next time. OMG BeiJing was surprisingly CLEAN, cleaner than any other mainland China Cities. I had a blast there, meeting some really good ppl on the tour as well. Guangzhou is one of the busiest capital city of mainland China, it's definitely exciting to be at. Cheap food, cheap clothes, cheap labour, cheap EVERYTHING. And last but not least, HK was the same old popular tourist hot spot. Very crowded when I was there during April and May, I'm guessing it's becuz of the cheap flight tickets. But yeah, I went so broke shopping and eating there. I guess the living standard there is higher than the other Asian countries, thus everything else there is more expensive. I'm not complaining tho, the quality is worth the price, plus the name brand are so much cheaper there too.
sigh........Now that my wonderful trip is over, the hardship of reality finally hits. The past few months I been busy searching for places to assist job placements and learning skills that would help me land a job. Everything seems to be going relatively slow right now, but it's slowly coming together. I hope I get a job real soon, I'm not liking the way how I have to waste my time at home, and OSAP is just draining my money away. But yeah...it's true that getting a job isn't hard but getting a good job that you want is hard. sigh......maybe I am just picky >.<
|
| |
| Goal for Year 2007!
-go on Asia Trip
-find good agency
-prepare myself for interview
-get a job
-get G2 licsense
-get tooth implant
-save $$ to pay off OSAP
-look for new house/comdo
-setting career path
-aiming to volunteer more so I can add more to my resume
-upgrade my english and french(if possible)
|
| |
| Plans after June!!!!
- get a credit card
- go for Ultra-sound checkup
- blood test
- body checkup
- check dentist w/ tooth implant
- driving exam
- job search
- family trip
- get tan
- get hair cut and dye
- pick course for 2006 fall
- new diet plan
- new workout routine
- got bikini
- summer shopping
- learn to cook and clean
- Wonderland!
- Save money for plane ticket n spending to HK/Mainland China//Korea/Thailand/Japan trip ^^
|
| |
| I'm so tired of this. But why does every month it has to ends up like this. Maybe I should stop looking forward to this every month hoping he'll remember. Cuz bottom line is, he's too busy to remember. And maybe it's not that important afterall. I should just stop expecting so much. I already gave up on certain expectations and hopes, just so it makes my life lot easier.
I swear to myself not to tear up again but it's just so hard to control it when things happen.
I do believe when I stop caring as much, it doesn't hurt as much
If only I can control my feelings. |
| |
